TFD

This Fucking Disease (hereafter referred to as TFD so people don't think I curse like a sailor).

Normally I deal with all this kidney stuff pretty calmly. I doesn't really bother me to be on dialysis and to make choices based on the good of my health. People should do that anyway.

However, sometimes it just really gets to me. Like on Friday. I picked up a part-time job for over the summer as I'm not teaching until at least the end of June, if not longer. Friday was the orientation for the new store opening.  OF COURSE after standing under the hot lights, my blood pressure dropped. I felt nauseated, overheated, and lightheaded. Crap. When I'm moving around, I'm fine. As soon as I have to stand still, especially when it's hot and crowded, then I don't do so well. I ended up having to leave after the first hour of orientation. Fortunately the manager was fantastic and modified my future shifts (about 2/week), so I'm only doing 3-4 hours. She said I won't have to stand at the till, or if I do, it won't be for long periods of time.

A lot of dialysis patients don't work because they are generally too unwell to work and those who do hemodialysis have fairly low energy.  PD patients usually feel a lot healthier than hemo patients because it's done more often and is gentler on the body.
While I was on hemodialysis, I was working as a unit clerk in a busy unit in the hospital here. I switched to PD 9 months after starting on hemodialysis. Four years later I moved over to teaching ESL and I worked 5-6 hours a day. That was the perfect schedule for me because I could nap in the afternoon after work if I felt run down.  I have a pretty high energy level compared to a lot of dialysis patients, but I know it still affects me.

Anyway, Friday made me feel like TFD was a little frustrating.  And I want to let you know that days like that will happen. You will get frustrated. You will feel like your body has betrayed or is betraying you. You will wonder how you're going to make it through each day.

I don't have the perfect answer because that is something you will have to define for yourself. For me, it is work. I love my students, I love being around people. My friends and my family are important to me. I like to travel - even if I have limited myself to road trips. I love to learn and am always pursuing further education.
I think I have a purpose to help other people - to learn, to adapt, to encourage them in some way.

I hope you find your answers when you have a TFD day. I hope that this blog will help you and that you will see that you are not alone on your journey!

RT